There are no geeks in the universe. Except me.


All those girls in all those places in the world that are totally geeky and never get out and shit. They all have boyfriends that are much badder than I am. I am so lame. They all have lots of sex too.

Like, the more deviant thing I do is masturbate a lot. That'll get the women flocking in droves.

I wish I was the guy in the Brat Pack movie who wears a leather jacket everywhere and doesn't cut his hair and has AC/DC as his soundtrack when he walkes around and he bumps into Molly Ringwald and she's like "Hi Dirk!" and he's like "Yeah, whatever." and then she goes home and fingers herself and he's the only one in the movie that has a line with the F-word in it. Yeah. That's who I need to be. That guy is out with a woman who he doesn't love having sex with her right now. And she's totally cool with it. And she doesn't want me. And I just wanted somebody to love me for who I am. And she's like "I don't care about you. Dirk is dreamy." and he's like "Yeah, whatever."

I've never revealed this before, but it is my life's mission to meet Andrew Dice Clay and publically put him in the hospital. I want him to go down and have everyone see it.